he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
