Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
They took my balls.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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