The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
