fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
