She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
