my phone needs a breathalizer
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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