You're completely useless in the revolution.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
