i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You are a genius and a whore.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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