Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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