Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
