Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I got inside last night via doggy door
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
