I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
