Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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