Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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