You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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