We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
