he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
