Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
