ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
