I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
