no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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