my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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