We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
