I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
