I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
