i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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