i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
