Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
