The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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