the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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