I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
whose ass print is on the piano?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
