That's intense
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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