Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
