we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
