Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
