hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
