Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
