just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
