Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
