a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
