At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
