I think my vagina is haunted
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
