All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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