A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
