I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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