He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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