Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
