He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
