i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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