oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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