i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
