I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
third nipple confirmed
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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