This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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