I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
