check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
